Month: January 2019

What are your chances?

At a fantastic summit I attended, the speaker (let’s call him Dan, because that’s his name) relayed a great story about a conversation he had with a negative friend. The friend was convinced that the business Dan was in would never work. They went back and forth for some time as Dan told him of all of the merits of the business and how it helps people and the naysayer kept lobbing excuses back as to why it was just another way to sell products to people. First, I must interject with “Don’t all businesses offer products or services?”

The pessimist finally said, “What are the chances that this really works?” Dan, still attempting to be tactful, replied with (and I am paraphrasing) “Well, even if it had only a 1% chance of significance, I would still take that over doing nothing, which would be a 100% chance of no significance” The “Debbie-Downer” finally backed off and agreed.

Are you taking chances in advancing your life? What are your chances of impact and influence towards your fellow man?

Let today be the day that you pick up that book and start reading. Let today be that day that you make up with that friend who hurt you. Let today be the day that you return to a good Bible-based church. Let today be the day that you bite your tongue when you want to tell someone off. Let today be the day that you take a chance on a business venture or opportunity, knowing fully that it will take some effort and discomfort on your part.

The more self improvement you can achieve, the better your chances are of leaving a legacy you will be proud of. Enjoy learning, growing and expanding instead of being a defeatist.

The Seminar High

How many of you have to go to a training or seminar for your job? Do you relish it or dread it? Do you actively seek out ways for self-improvement or are they thrust upon you against your will?

Years ago I had a new friend approach me about a leadership group. I misunderstood and confused leadership with management and rejected all of her invitations to explore the meetings she regularly attended. At the time I could not see myself as a leader and did not understand that we are all leaders in some capacity every day. Thank goodness she was persistent and continued to invite me until I attended a seminar just to shut her up. My whole world changed at that moment, as I realized that learning does not stop with a diploma.

When you are raising your children your choices and direction are leading them through puberty and into adulthood. When I was teaching competitive figure skating I was leading the children in how to behave whether they won or lost an event. It takes grace to lose and not throw a hissy-fit. It takes leadership to refrain from bragging when you win and instead go and say something great about the program of one of the skaters who did not win.

Seminars get me high in a way that no doobie or shot of Jack Daniels ever could. When you learn from other people who have walked down a similar path you become inspired that you can achieve your dreams too. When you hear a speaker talk about a devastating situation he or she overcame, you cannot help but to go out and be hopeful that at least your situation is not that bad. Seminars, webinars, self-help books, Ted talks, Youtube videos, book signings, and podcasts are all ways we can step out of ignorance and into enlightenment in any area we wish to pursue or simply learn more about.

Maybe I am a dork about self improvement but I completely “geek-out” when I can see and hear a speaker that wrote a book that I have read or spoke on a subject I write about in my own books.

I want you to ask yourself these questions. What are you currently doing to live your best life? Where do you really want to go in your marriage or relationships with your children? What thoughts keep you up at night? What is one area in your life that is under attack right now?

If everything is just hunky-dory and your life is full of rainbows and roses, then I hope you tune in next week for a different blog subject, but if there is an area in your life where you question if your actions are serving you, then please contact me. I would love to listen. I bet I could even find a great seminar for you to attend in your area.

Never stop learning, growing and expanding. We live in the most exciting time in History. Just think about how the smartphone we hold in our hands has more computing power than the computers that took the Apollo 11 to the moon back in the ’60s. Can our brains still develop? Hell yes!

Go out into this world and do good. Hebrews 13:7 Remember your leaders who spoke the word of God to you.

In the Running

What a thrill it was in 2018 to have had Stronger Than Broken – One couple’s decision to move through an affair make it to the top ten in the 2018 Author Academy Awards. Although I did not win, the opportunity to speak in front of a crowd and share the book was an invaluable experience as I move forward in my coaching practice.

Watching the winners in the 16 categories go up in their suits or gowns and receive an award was inspiring. So many of them looked shocked and most of them said “I am speechless” before thanking all of the people who helped them on their writing path.

What I really resonated with was one woman, Anita M. McLaurin. She was not speechless. She walked up with such confidence and had her speech already written out. She knew she would win in the children’s book category. Her speech was thoughtful, well rehearsed and moving.

I want belief and faith that I too will win. So, I have entered the 2019 Author Academy Awards with Letters to the Dead Men – Unexpected Revelations in the Self Help category. I am fully aware of the stiff competition, as this contest is open to self-published authors, traditionally published authors and every combination of author in between.

Will you help me by checking out the book and voting for me? This book took me on a journey I never expected. My only intention was to honor the people in my life who had gone on to meet their maker. I had no idea how much grief I had been storing for years and how the writing process released those emotions and helped me heal wounds I still harbored.

The Self Help category will be on page 13 of the voting page, so make sure you scroll through all of the categories and vote once for each category on each page.

God in his infinite wisdom takes us just where we need to be and always at the right time. I am grateful for the healing that took place during the penning of this book. It has done so much for making me a more compassionate coach.

Enjoy these links: Letters to the Dead Men – Unexpected Revelations

Stronger Than Broken – One couple’s decision to move through an affair http://

If you are looking for a great children’s book, please check out my fellow author and an Author Academy Award winner, My Father Said I Could by Anita M. McLaurin.

Are you contemplating writing a book? I would love to turn you on to the fantastic group I work with. We will walk you through the entire process from the idea in your head to seeing your book on the shelves of Barnes and Noble. Start here: http://

And one more!

Do You Have Good Sexual Health?

Marriages should never just be about sex. But, let’s be honest. Sex plays a rather large part in a healthy marriage and it is the one thing that should never be shared with anyone other than your spouse. That makes it so revered and sacred.

Sexual health is the ability to be aroused and still be able to do something about it. It may be very different for a young, healthy couple compared to an older couple with health issues, but in both cases, married couples can find fulfillment.

Feeling good about your body enhances the sexual experience 10 fold. I know this first hand as my weight has fluctuated up and down many pounds over the years. When I felt heavy, I wanted the lights off or very dim. When I was in racing form, I donned the Victoria Secret and did not mind lights on. Most of us can still get aroused when we are not in our best body, but the experience is not the same. So, as we go into the new year, be your best. Did you hear that? I said your best and no one elses.

Sex can also be very emotional, often times more so for women. Years ago when my husband stepped outside of the boundaries of marriage ( ) my psyche had taken a hard hit. I could not achieve orgasm with this same man who had been giving them to me for over 25 years. It took months of putting the marriage back together before my body image and ability to orgasm recovered. Thankfully it did as the trust was restored in the marriage and the more functional ways to communicate began to form. I hope this was not T.M.I. for you, but I’m just keeping it real!

Communication is the most important facet of getting what you want and need as well as supplying your partner with the same. I know it can be the most excruciating and embarrassing thing to talk about. It can really hurt your partner’s feelings to blurt out what you didn’t like or what hurts or feels weird. I have found that there are some silent ways to communicate that work well. If you catch your partner doing something that does not please, do not make any sexy sounds. Change positions as soon as you are able. When he/she finds the right spot, the right intensity or the right angle, then it is your turn to talk, scream, moan or whatever. Perhaps later, maybe over drinks, you can approach the subject more objectively if there is truly an issue you find in need of more clarification.

Planning or scheduling sex always seems to take away the spontaneity and romance, but there will be times in your busy lives where you simply must eke out some grown-up play time. Without sex, couples can become irritable and take those frustrated feelings out on the whole family. I am of no use to anyone when I am crabby.

Sex can be like pizza and chocolate. As much as I love pizza and chocolate if I ate them every day for the rest of my life, I may lose interest. A change up now and again (position, dirty talk, toys if you are comfortable, role play etc…) can be a breath of fresh air. The most important thing for changing up the routine is to lay little ground rules first. Nothing kills the evening quicker than 1 partner wanting to try dirty talk or toys one evening when the other just wants teenage make out and romance.

How is your sexual health? If you are enjoying your partner regularly and keeping the lines of communication open, then kudos to you and cheers to the new year and all it may bring.

Photo credits to Billy Delfs