The “D” Word

My husband had been married for a very brief time as a very young man. As short as the marriage was, it still hurt him that it ended in divorce. When he and I fell in love and married, we had an agreement never to use the “D” word. He knew he did not want a repeat of divorce and I could not imagine, as a 22 year old girl that I would ever be mad enough at Jimmy to threaten him with such a terrifying word. So we agreed.

Kylie-2.jpgWell, real life throws some real crap at your fan and there have been many times where one of us wanted to use it. In the 30 plus years we have been together, we broke our pledge and have used the word twice, always with that sick feeling in our gut that it was not what we truly wanted.

I enjoy a good Google search. So, I peeked at the statistics wondering why divorce used to be so rare, and is now so commonplace.  Prior to the 1930’s, less than 7% divorced. Part of that may have been that the laws of divorce were very strict. It was often hard to prove abuse, adultery or abandonment, which were the only reasons a divorce would be granted. But, in 1967 the laws changed to include “no-fault” divorces. By the 1970’s the divorce rate jumped up to 33% and culminated with 53% by 1980. Currently, it has gone down slightly and leveled off at about 50%.

Think about the phrase “no fault”. Really roll it around in your head for a few moments. Are you really ready to say there is no fault in your unhappiness? Why do we feel that things are different (more difficult) today than they were in the past? Did people 100 years ago have money problems? Did they argue? Did they have poor communication skills? Did they cheat on each other? Did they grow tired of one another? You and I both know that indeed they did. So why have we become a society where we just throw away a marriage like last years cell phone, and then take no responsibility or “fault”?

I challenge you today to look at any unhappiness you feel towards your mate and realize that they are not responsible for keeping you happy. You are in charge of how you feel, think and act. Take authority for how you are feeling and do not project it on your partner. Work on yourself first and then work toward a better alliance

If you are a law of attraction follower, don’t forget  that what you think about you bring about. If you are a Christian, you can remember that Malachi, Proverbs, Matthew and 1st Corinthians all talk about protecting marriage and hating divorce. If you are unsure where you fall in your spiritual journey, find a way or a place where you can recollect the joy you found in your original attachment to your spouse.  It won’t always be easy, but it will always be worth it to co-create a loving bond where you can continue to grow and evolve together and not apart.

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