Look at the base of these two trees. Very different trees interlocked at the base. It always reminds me of a married couple, different, yet growing together somehow.

Were you caught having an affair? Busted! Having been on the other side of that table I know how I reacted when it happened to me, but how the cheater reacts is what many people never delve into. Do they have feelings of remorse? Don’t those of us who have been cheated on want to understand why?

If you have wronged your partner, fess up! Be honest and tell no more lies. Determine if your real relationship is more important than the affair and get busy making things right. Put your big girl panties on or big boy pants on and get to work.

The most important decision you will both make is whether to work it out or go your separate ways. Both partners must have some desire to want to work towards a stronger marriage or else one of you is just kicking a dead horse.

The cheater must understand why he or she crossed the line. Did you two think of setting boundaries at the start of the marriage? You see, some partners have the opinion that “I don’t care where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home” so flirting, porn, internet contact etc… may be acceptable. In other marriages just looking at the opposite sex feels like cheating. In the Bible, the book of Matthew 5:28 talks about lusting for another is considered cheating.  So for some, having coffee or lunch alone with a co-worker of the opposite sex may feel inappropriate. It is all about boundaries you two should have set in the beginning. If you did not, now is as good of a time as any.

Now, look at how tall and lovely those two trees can grow. Together, side by side!

 If you want true transparency, integrity, and honesty with your spouse, begin today to break off the affair and show your newfound transparency and integrity. Start with a sincere apology. Begin to rebuild trust, even if that means sharing passwords on all of your social media sites.  I know of couples that share the same Facebook page and have nothing to hide from each other.

Remember that cheating not only ruins marriages but also sends a message to the future generations that cheating is ok or even expected. Many millennials are not even bothering to get married because they assume it may end in divorce anyway. Some see marriage as a contract and not a covenant. Big difference.

All couples should ask what kind of legacy they want to leave on this earth before satisfying a feeling, a connection or an urge with someone outside of the relationship.

Dare to be different. Boldly step into making things right and loving and honoring the commitment you made at the altar, or the courthouse. In an affair, feelings were hurt. Trust was broken. It won’t be easy, but where there is an ounce of love left, you can make it worth it.

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