In the new year, most of us set some sort of specific goal or resolution like “lose 10 pounds” or “go to the gym three times a week”. Half the time we never keep the resolution. All of the countless self-help, leadership, and personal development books seem to say to set specific goals and what steps you will take to achieve them. Despite my best intentions, often I still fall short. So, this year my resolution will be general, not specific. It will be meaningful but perhaps not as tangible as the number on a scale or the bill from the gym. My goal will be to fill myself up before I can serve others. I love the saying that you cannot serve anyone with an empty cup.
Now, what my self-care may look like can be transient and change from day to day. Today it includes putting down my phone and reading an entire book while relaxing on the couch. “No, I am sorry I won’t walk the dog right now, honey. I am in the middle of a good part of this novel”. Tomorrow it may be “Yes, darling. I’m going to do the laundry right after my run.” Selfish? No. Self-care? Yes.
Remember that self-care in a relationship is paramount. You must be filled with your own good health, happy thoughts, and mental clarity before you can, in fact, be of any value in a relationship. When we first got married, I assumed that I would be so busy taking care of Jimmy and he would be so busy taking care of me that it would all work out. Now, after 30 years of being with a man who has so many more complexities than I ever imagined, I realize that I need to take care of me first, with no guilt. If I have to put aside an errand that he wants me to do because it conflicts with my self-care, I assure him that it is simply not on the agenda for the day. I offer to delegate it out to someone else, do it another time, or simply say “I just can’t fit it in”. He understands and likewise, I don’t expect him to immediately jump to a task I would like him to do around the house.
Enjoy your day, your week and your new year with the goal of happiness and not a number on a scale. Go for peace in the home and not a number, chart or measurement you may fall short of. Try self-care followed by serving and you will have a new appreciation for the “serving” portion of the relationship.